Some Like It Hot Sauce

Let’s not beat around the jalapeno bush here: I am addicted to hot sauce. I – quite literally – put that sh*t on everything. Salads, soups, burgers, burritos: You name a food that isn’t ice cream and I’ve probably hosed it with hot sauce and shoved it in my face.

There’s some actual science behind this madness. When you burn your tastes buds with hot sauce, your body perceives it as pain and releases endorphins to counteract that pain. Those endorphins create a sense of euphoria and you essentially start getting high off hot sauce. Keeping that high requires just one thing: more hot sauce.

I’ve now reached the point where buying hot sauce off the shelf doesn’t do it for me. There’s too much food coloring. Too much mild. Not enough scalding insanity. So, this past weekend, I decided to pull a Breaking Bad. I bought a trailer, drove off into the desert, started cooking, and – in my opinion – ended up with a superior product.

How to Make Homemade Hot Sauce

Step 1: Roast a bunch of  hot peppers (I used habaneros), onions, garlic, and bell peppers in the oven for a while.

Step 2: Put all that roasted goodness in a food processor and add some lime juice, apple cider vinegar, shredded carrots, and whatever else you want.

Step 3: Vzzzzzzzzzzsssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Step 4: Put it in a bottle and give it a funny name. (I went with Erik’s Homemade Bumhole-Burning Habanero Hot Sauce.)

Happy hot-saucing.